


Memories

by RudeArry



Category: Gravity Falls, Reverse Falls - Fandom
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Rated T for unhealthy thought process, Some angst, That's Reverse Falls again what the hell did you expect?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 13:10:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17244818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RudeArry/pseuds/RudeArry
Summary: Traumatic memories are bothering Will again.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Quacksies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quacksies/gifts).



> For my dear, lovely Quacksies, Patron saint of this entire ship, who is going through a lot right now (and you all should drop her a nice message if you can).
> 
> (Don't worry tiny, Chapter 2 is better)

The sounds of crackling fire were unsettling. Another fun reminder that a force he has known his entire life can no longer be trusted. He collapsed onto the ground in front of the rising flames. Tired. So tired. He couldn’t possibly be more tired if he tried to simultaneously finish every action he took over the course of his entire life, all at once. Everything hurt. His limbs, his brain, his heart. He deserved a break, and yet he just couldn’t seem t-

“Will?”

He blinked, looking briefly at his surroundings.

He was sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, but his mind was elsewhere, reliving the past. Dipper was beside him, looking concerned.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes,” he smiled, “sorry, just lost in thought.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

Will shook his head, folding his hands in his lap.

“Everything’s okay. You don’t need to be so worried, I promise.”

Dipper looked at him for a few moments, before sighing and getting up.

“Just… let me know if anything comes up.”

He nodded.

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

_“You know, I’m getting really fucking tired of you,” spoke a low, angry tone. He turned around to show he was listening. Wouldn’t do him much good to just ignore her now._

_“Can’t you stop it with the misery already? Your life’s perfect. Trillions across the universe wish they could have your life of not doing anything at all, and yet here you are. Making a scene about how utterly miserable you are. You have no right to act like that. You’ve never made any effort for as long as you’ve lived. I suggest you stop before I give you a real reason to act fucking miserable.”_

_“Yes, mother.” He replied plainly, and only after he sensed she was done talking, doing his best not to flinch at the sheer hatred radiating off her._

_“Ungrateful idiot.” he heard her muttering right before she vanished._

_…What should he even do? His happiness, however fleeting, was bothering her all throughout his childhood. Any signs of joy or appreciation from him were discouraged and mocked. And now his attempt to not bother her with it was perceived as him faking misery. He was so confused he didn’t know what to say or do. There was no winning in that situation no matter how hard he tried._

He turned around when her voice was suddenly replaced with two others. He could hear Dipper and Mabel talking in hushed tones just down the stairs. He noted Dipper’s worried tone as well as his use of “I don’t know what to do, Mabel”. He sunk back into the chair he nearly fell asleep in, too exhausted to get up and find a better spot. This couldn’t possibly go on for much longer now.

…Right?

 

* * *

 

 

“…Will, please let me.”

The demon turned around. Dipper looked even more worried than he did in a while now. He frowned at the sight. He hated nothing more than the thought of him being a source of negativity for his human.

“Dipper? What’s wrong?”

The human looked at him nervously.

“You know you can trust me with anything that’s bothering you, right?”

Will looked down. He wasn’t sure how to break it to the human, but no. He couldn’t. Sure, he’d trust Dipper with his life, with his powers, with anything and everything he ever owned…

…But not this.

His past wasn’t something he felt comfortable sharing. Every time he brought up a fear or a worry, he’d be kicked to the dogs. No matter who he spoke to, he’s always gotten criticized for bringing up horrible things that nobody had wanted to hear.

He’d be accused of purposefully traumatizing others for ‘sympathy points’. He didn’t even know that these were a valid human form of currency up until he was accused of trying to accumulate them. Not that he was actually trying, but to his confusion, the accusations came anyway.  
And at this point, he’s so utterly terrified of being left alone that he’d sooner die than watch the love of his life denounce him, get up and leave.

He needs to hold himself together.

 _No more negative thoughts._  
No more uncertain tone.  
No more memories.    
No more.

He’s going to be the most positive creature on the planet, and that positivity extended to not giving questions like “but what if it doesn’t work?” the time of day.

He met Dipper’s eyes and gave him the best smile he could manage. It was probably good enough to fool the very creators of lying and deceit themselves, had they been present.

“Of course, love. If anything happens, you’ll be the first to know. I promise.”

The human seemed to relax a little. He nodded.

_Perfect._

 

* * *

 

_The world was black when he woke up that morning. He snapped his fingers to check whether or not he could still register sounds. Yep, he could. As he tried to think, he became increasingly aware of some sharp pains all throughout him. He tried to blink again and again, but no color has reached him. No light. Not from his surroundings, and nothing emanating from him. He tried to summon a flame into his hand, but couldn’t see it. He felt the flickers, sure, and the air around him smelled of active magic, but there was no light to be seen._

_The pain seemed to increase, though._

_He let the fake flame die and started shaking._

_He had to discard this form._

_He had to get away._

_He had to get out at any cost._

 

* * *

 

And he eventually did. Tired of receiving pitying glances from every creature who saw him and of his boyfriend's attempts to talk about "what's bothering you", Will came up with the best solution available to him at the moment (other than wiping his own memory. He tried it before, when he was younger, and it always backfired wore off at the worst possible time – which he certainly did not want to happen again, thank you very much – since demons regained memories, both their own and other people's with every exposure to knowledge). His solution came in the form of doing what demons do best: pretend.

So he started playing the marvelous game of faking happiness, claiming that things he used to like held any meaning, and teleporting around to disrupt his train of thought every time he sensed a bad memory manifesting.

The humans were surprisingly easy to fool, commenting on how glad they were that he was doing well, mentioning how worried they were during his absence and how relieved they are that he is in good health. To his great surprise, Mabel was the easiest to fool of them all. It took very little effort, and he even overheard her mentioning to Dipper how great it was that "Will is happy again".

What a joke. Will couldn't remember the last time he had any shred of hope or joy lingering in his fake humanoid form.

But he let it slide. It worked to his benefit, because Mabel was effectively convincing Dipper that the demon was functional again. Which was perfect. This time he wouldn't lose every living creature that cared about him.

This time he wouldn't let anyone find out how tired he was of holding together an elaborate façade.

This time he wouldn't be tossed aside like an old broken toy.

 

* * *

 

Overall, Will would say the plan was working pretty darn well. Everybody was falling for it and nobody questioned it. Sure, it was stressful and tiring, and he didn't like lying very much, but every living being around – human or otherwise, just bought it. It was almost as if this is exactly what he should have done from the start. Human society doesn't like unhappy people. His own family growing up didn't like any display of emotion at all, positive _or_ negative. Will just found it to be slightly easier to fake cheer than to just cover up any emotion he could ever feel.

Luckily for him, he was well rewarded for his efforts. He got to spend more time with Dipper and did't get lectured about how wrong and forbidden it is to have negative emotions. They had fun. They were spending time together again, and Dipper was happy. That's what mattered.

Just a week later, they sat down together in a forest clearing, leaning against a huge rock, just making fun of ridiculously shaped clouds.

"Seriously, who even arranged these? I know fairies can fly into them if they're bored enough, but these are basically the sky equivalents of cave drawings."

Dipper shook his head at him. "You're just mean. This one looks like a tooth. And the one over there on the left looks like a bird's head peeking out of a nest."

"Tooth? Hm. Knew it's the fairies."

"The tooth fairy isn't real, dear."

"Is too. She just collects predator teeth and sharpens them to be spear heads for her and her followers."

"Will, that's insane."

"You're in the forest of gods and monsters, dating a demon and the insane part in the whole experience is hearing that the tooth fairy is evil?"

"Yes!"

"Well then, clearly you haven't met her before."

"No, and now I don't want to."

"That's probably for the best."

"…Speaking of 'best'…."

"Hm?"

Some shuffling noise was the only answer Will got. He turned to Dipper curiously, while the human was digging through a bag he brought along with him, slightly upset over something he hasn't found yet. The demon wondered whether he should offer to just summon whatever it was Dipper was looking for, or if it would be considered rude because Dipper always packed exactly what they needed. Nothing more, nothing less. He decided the better idea would be to wait.

"Have I ever told you that you're the best thing that ever happened to me?"

Will looked back at Dipper, who was clutching his backpack weirdly.

"…Multiple times, yes."

"…And that I love you, more than anyone and anything in the world?"

Will smiled nervously at him. Ah. There it is. Looks like he didn't play his cards correctly after all. This was probably what humans usually referred to as 'the break-up talk.' Well, if it was, Will decided, that's okay. Their four years together were more than he had expected the human to tolerate him, especially with how often his own mind tried to push his past memories to the front. Well, for what it's worth, it was amazing.

"Too often." He joked weakly. Dipper exhaled, standing up.

"And you told me that you love me too." He murmured.

"Of course I do" Will nodded.

"Well, in that case," the human said, immediately dropping down to one knee, taking one of Will's hands in his own and shoving his other hand in a coat pocket, only to pull it away with a box in it, that he swiftly opened with his index finger.

_"Will-iamarry me?"_

_Oh._

_Oh no._

_And he thought break up talk was the worst that could happen._

He pulled his hand away from Dipper's.

He couldn't look at the human, or the box and the ring.

Hurt and confusion flashed across the human's face at the action. He nodded, looking down, a noise somewhere between a shaky laugh and a pained breath leaving him before he looked back up at the demon.

"…I know I shouldn't have used the pun. Still, I… I'm serious." Dipper insisted. "I want to marry you, I mean, if you'll have me."

Will closed his eyes.

_No._

_This was a bad idea._

Dipper was doing himself a big enough disservice by tolerating him as it is. The last thing his human needed was to stick around long enough for Will's mask to slip. The last thing Dipper needed is a demon who couldn't function at all, not as a human in a human society, nor as a proper demon. The love of his life didn't need to throw his own life away by spending it with a useless wreck. Dipper was too important to let him down. Letting him down hell-knows-how-many years into a marriage, Dipper would realize that these years could've been spent with someone else, someone adequate. That would hurt him more than hearing any rejection now.

"I'm sorry," Will whispered, opening his eyes.

"I can't."


	2. Chapter 2

Things with Will used to be good.

The two of them used to be happy and do everything together whenever they could. They’d go on dates, watch movies, go grocery shopping, and help magical forest creatures. Well, sometimes help, sometimes get rid of. Depending on whether it was dangerous to the existing ecosystem or not.

Key words being “used to”.

Will was getting more and more distant lately, and that worried Dipper a lot.

It had begun with slight disinterest in things he usually liked. When he asked Will about it, suspecting the demon was going through seasonal depression, only for Will to smile politely and say he just needs a change of pace from the usual routine. Dipper agreed back then, happy to find out the demon wasn’t opposed to change. He didn’t think back then, that it would lead to something much, much worse.

The demon was gradually losing interest in his surroundings. He wouldn’t answer when Dipper called him or asked him anything. Not for the first two or three times, at least. He would just stare at some point in the walls or the floor for up to hours at a time if left unbothered, and would only snap out of it if directly asked something. Dipper didn’t like this.

After a few weeks, he decided they couldn’t ignore the issue anymore. He found Will in the living room, looking frozen in time as he now often did.

“Will?” he tried gently. The demon gave no response. He just sat there, unblinking. He had no idea if this was a regular demon thing or if something has happened, but he was going to find out the truth eventually.

“…Will?” he asked, raising his voice just a little louder.

That seemed to break Will out of his immersion. The demon turned to face him, surprised.

“Are you alright?” he tried, gently.

“Yes,” the demon said, pulling a sad uncertain smile. “Sorry, just lost in thought.”

Yeah. This much Dipper knew. He smiled back weakly at the demon.

“Anything I can do to help?”

Will shook his head, slowly folding his hands in his lap before giving Dipper the same uncertain smile. It was really beginning to scare him.

 “Everything’s okay. You don’t need to be so worried, I promise.”

 

Dipper looked at him. Will was obviously very defensive about something. He wouldn’t win in an argument right now. Hell, he didn’t want to start an argument right now at all. He sighed, getting up and watching Will slowly getting lost in thought again.

“Just… let me know if anything comes up.”

Will quickly nodded at him.

“Of course.”

 

* * *

 

Will had been completely out of it recently. He had completely abandoned little trinkets he used to hold in his hands to fiddle with. The shelf holding them was gathering dust and any small object Dipper would pick up had a clear spot underneath them whenever he picked them up. He was still unsure of whether or not he should clean it or not, because he was holding onto hope that Will was actually picking them up sometimes, even if only to briefly glance at something that exists in the real world. It was getting more and more difficult to talk to him. He started genuinely fearing for the demon’s wellbeing a while back, but now he was starting to think that he was directly a bad influence.

His sister came to visit once, completely by surprise. She tried to greet Will as well, but he didn’t answer. Dipper had apologized to her, trying to briefly explain the situation.

“I don’t know what to do, Mabel.” He said as he finished, and then added, much more quietly, “I’m starting to think I’ve fucked up. No matter what I do, it's like he doesn't hear me, or at the very least doesn't want to.”

"You haven't. I just think you need to do something completely out of the ordinary to get his attention. Maybe it'll be easy from there."

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Something that is disconnected from your everyday reality. Break the routine."

"Something disconnected… what does that even mean? Somethi…"

He was going to ask Will what was bothering him one last time. But if that didn't work…

His face lit up.

"I think I got it."

 

* * *

 

He tried making as much noise as he possibly could while going up the stairs, hoping to find an annoyed demon ready to confront him.

Instead, he found Will at one of his usual spots, practicing his newfound love for staring at walls aimlessly.

"Will?" he tried softly. Sure, he wanted the demon's attention, but Will didn't like shouting and he didn't want to scare him.

As usual, there was no reply. He just sat there, unblinking, unbreathing, like a statue.

"Will, I'm getting really worried."

Nothing again. He wasn't sure what was the correct course of action at that point.

"I just want to help you, Will, please let me."

The demon blinked suddenly, turning his head towards Dipper as if seeing him in the room for the first time. He briefly studied Dipper's expression before tensing up and frowning.

"Dipper? What's wrong?"

"You know you can trust me with anything that's bothering you, right?"

The demon blinked briefly before looking down.

And just like that, whatever little hope he had, it was gone.

Well, looks like the demon still didn't want him around.

He sighed.

He couldn't blame Will. He didn't do anything substantial to help the demon lately at all. It's no surprise Will was tired of him.

"Of course, love," Will spoke suddenly. "If anything happens, you'll be the first to know. I promise."

Well… that didn't sound very genuine. But then again, Will never goes back on a promise, so he nodded.

It was the first time he's seen something resembling a genuine smile from his boyfriend in ages.

 

* * *

 

The demon's distant tendencies had stopped just as suddenly as they began.

Will's interest in his surrounding seemed restored one day, completely out of nowhere. He suddenly started going places, buying things, displaying curiosity in upcoming events, and reading books of both the mundane and archaic varieties, vanishing and reappearing to his heart's desire, and maintaining an unnaturally wide smile no matter the situation. The townspeople were happy to see him out and about again, too.

Worst of all? Mabel told him how happy she was for them and the progress they've made. He didn't know how to tell her that there was no progress to speak of, that his boyfriend just woke up altered one day out of nowhere, with some new, artificial over-the-top cheer that he had never displayed in the first place, trying to pass it off as being "back to normal".

Dipper couldn't recall a more terrifying event, person or experience in his life.

This wasn't Will.

This wasn't _his_ Will.

This wasn't the quiet demon who always told him to be kind to strangers and avoid judging people whose struggles he didn't know with enough confidence that anyone else who might've overheard it by chance, would've thought they were discussing nothing less than the most important fact in life.

This wasn't the same kind soul who would stay awake long enough to have his physical form on the brink of collapse to listen and help everyone who needed it, wait for them to fall asleep, and ensure they didn't walk right into a nightmare. All because "No one should be pushed far enough to cry themselves to sleep after a long day of suffering and being refused help."

No. This wasn't Will. This was some lookalike. A character in a play. Some decoy he put up to prevent others from seeing what was going on under the surface.

And something was definitely going on.

Whatever was bothering Will before, now it was probably close to shattering him.

And Dipper wasn't going to let that happen.

 

* * *

 

Dipper thought he planned everything so well. He spent the week trying to lift Will's mood. He thought that maybe if he manages to cheer the demon up for real, he'll finally let go of the creepy fake joy he kept pretending to be in. He finally dug out the ring – beautiful white gold with blue diamonds (that he admittedly got a good while back), he took Will to his favorite place – that spot in the forest where they first met, all those years ago – and yet…

The moment Will pulled his hand away, he knew it was over. He took the best chance he had, and he tried hitting two birds with one stone. He was hoping to ask Will to marry him long ago, he just never found the time nor the courage. And now… Now when he did, the demon couldn't even look at him.

"I'm sorry," Will whispered. This is where Dipper knew, everything would either fall apart, or come back together, if he could salvage what would be left of their relationship.

"I can't."

He moved away, looking down.

"Would you at least tell me why?" Dipper replied, his own voice low enough to count as a whisper.

"I can't do that to you. I… I can't put you through this," the demon said.

"Through what?"

"This-" the demon gestured at himself with both his hands, his voice breaking. That's when Dipper saw the demon was crying.

"Will? oh god, I'm sorry, I didn’t mean to-"

"Well, you didn't do anything wrong either, so don't apologize."

"I'm sorry," Dipper whispered, panicking. "I didn't mean to upset you. I thought-"

"That's the problem, Dipper."  The demon sobbed. " _You_ didn’t upset me. It's _my_ fault. I've been like that for _years_."

Approaching him carefully, Dipper sat down next to Will. "Then why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you? That would've ruined everything. You would've left the moment you found out."

"What? Why would I do such a thing?"

"Because everyone does," Will whispered again.

"I ruin everybody's life. Everyone's tired of being around me because I'm always ruining the mood and there's plenty of better people who don't do that and any of them can replace me at any g-given moment and I c-can't…"

At this point, Will was shaking so hard that when Dipper decided to collect him into his arms, it was like hugging a bag of sentient jello. He rested his cheek atop the demon's head and pulled him as close as he could.

"That's their loss, Will, not yours. If anyone actually deserves better, that would be you." He spoke gently, running his fingers through the demon's hair, the way he knew usually calms Will down.

"Besides, if memory serves, I don't recall you ever ruining anyone's life. On the contrary. You're the one who always insists on helping everyone, always giving second chances whenever possible. Heck, third and fourth chances too. And if anything, you're the one person I don't think anyone could replace, even if they wanted to. You give too much to the world, you matter more than you know, and that can't be changed."

"I've ruined plenty…" the demon murmured. "My own family wanted me dead."

Dipper grimaced. He suspected as much. From Will's reaction to loud noises or yelling in general, to his extremely careful attention to every word that comes out of his mouth and every gesture that he makes, especially when he does something he considers to be bad, or just not good enough. The way he covered his head with his hands and summoned energy shields around himself any time some creature snuck up on them when he wasn't paying attenrion.

…His self-doubt in general…

…It all started to make sense now.

"Well, I don't know their standards," Dipper said, "but you shouldn't be adhering to those anyway, 'cause your previous family is a bunch of idiots. I'd say you should make your own."

"My own what?" the demon blinked. "Family?"

He wanted to correct the demon but decided against it. He kissed the top of Will's head instead. "Family, standards, or you can do both." He smiled. "Although, if the former's what you're after, I'd love to be part of it," Dipper said gently, taking the box from its place back in his pocket and putting it in Will's hands.

"Offer's always on the table."

Will mumbled something and looked down.

"Hm?"

"…I said you could do better."

"Better?" Dipper laughed. "Define marrying someone 'better' than the love of my life."

"…What about someone who isn't sad all the time?"

"Wow. Okay, your standards _are_ low. You know, I've heard something pretty smart once. About living beings being worth more than their troubles and worries they display at their lowpoints. Can't remember who told me that…"

Will opened his mouth to say something in protest, only to close it quickly after, blushing.

Dipper kissed the top of his head again.

"You're wonderful, Will. And I'm not going to just get up and leave you when you're sad, struggling, or feeling alone. I don't care if whatever haunts you takes up half of your day or most of it, and how many months or years it'll take to overcome, I'm not going anywhere."

Will looked at him, skeptical.

"I'm serious. I'll pester you so much that you might feel nothing but annoyance."

The demon lowered his head, smiling a little.

"There. See? I can handle you just fine, you great force of destruction."

The demon sniffled, but his smile grew.

"It takes more effort than merely sharing your honest thoughts and emotions with me to 'ruin my day', I'm afraid. Although the fake happy you was creeping me out enough to be a step in the right direction."

"Sorry-"

"Don't be. I just… I prefer it when you're honest with me. Faking happiness just so strangers who don't matter could feel like nothing's going on does more harm to you than good to them. And even if they'll see you sad, they can damn well get over it. You don’t need to pretend for anyone, alright?"

Will sighed and nodded weakly, leaning against Dipper, still fiddling with the box.

"You can open it, you know," Dipper shrugged.

"But… I didn't-"

"You don't have to give me an answer yet," he clarified, "but the ring is yours whether you say yes or not. Keep it. Worst case scenario, I'll buy a few more and try again when you feel you're ready."

"I didn't say no either," Will sighed. "I love you. Of course I do. And… I want to. Marry you, I mean. I just don't…"

 

He sighed, before deciding to try again.

"I love you, and the talk helped, and I'll try to be more… honest. I just… I just honestly need some more time to think."

"I love you too, darling. And thank you," Dipper smiled. "That's really all I ask for."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tamar,  
> I know that you're going through a lot, and I know how often you're told to just "snap out of it".  
> Both your physical injuries and mental turmoil that you're going through cannot last forever. I know you. I know how strong you are. I know you'll come out of this victorious. And I'm gonna be there every step of the way and give you an "I told you so" when you do.  
> Never let anyone tell you what you need to hide your emotions or choose your words. That sort of nonsense will only serve to worsen your condition. People who only want to hear from you when you're happy, docile, and following their orders are not your 'friends'. They're scum. People who tell you that you are "abusing" them merely by talking about the sad parts of your life are liars.  
> I want you to know that you are important, you are loved, and your message of love and friendship over death and horror are what keeps this ship alive, and it will resonate long after both of us are gone. Your actions speak louder than any words ever can, and everything you ever do is full of love and concern for others. Despite what you think of yourself, the world is in dire need of more people like you, and I will keep repeating that until one day you'll see that I'm right.
> 
> I'm staying with you until the end, no matter what you're currently going through - let this fic be a public testament to that promise.  
> Thank you for being here for me, for people you love, and for the strangers who just happen to need help. You've already made significant difference in the world. Please, please stick around long enough to see that.  
> Happy new year little one. You're amazing. <3


End file.
